Dizzy-Dwarf Prestige Class

On long winter nights deep in the mountains (and on long-weekends in Gnomish lands)
mountain-people gather to play Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf.  Though the origins of the game are
lost to time, the rules vary little from place-to-place.  First, servants (for this is
a noble game) fetch two round tables, two contenders, two (at least) barrels of grog,
and as many spectators as elbows allow.  Oathes are sworn, fortunes are bet, honor is
staked, and grandmothers are frequently sold into thralldom (unless they're sharp of
hearing and have a beating-stick handy, so watch it).

The contenders, armed with only a sling and a stein, stand atop the tables swearing
oathes and oathing swears.  Two mages, the juripotens, levitate the tables, and the
spectators takes turns spinning them as everyone (except Grandma who won't have anything
to do with this nonsense thank you very much) sings the Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf song as the
contenders drain their steins.  As the first stanza ends, the contenders load their
slings with slightly rottten fruit, and then let fly at each other.  This repeats for
five stanzas or until a contender fails to drain his stein in time or is knocked from
the table.

Should both contenders be standing at the end of five stanzas, everyone steps back as
the mages end their chants (which sound suspicously like Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf muttered
slightly off-key).  The tables float to the floor and the contenders dismount for the
final rite.  The winner is the first to run ten laps in the direction opposite to the
spin of the table as the observers sing one last stanza (with feeling) of Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf.



Game Mechanics

For each stanza, the contenders have to chug their grog.  This requires a will check or
they suffer a -2 to AC and Attack until the next stanza starts.  The spinning tables force
a balance check or they're flat-footed until the next stanza starts.  At the end of a stanza,
they can make one attack with their weapon (sling and fruit for dwarves, though some Hill
Giants use boulder sized fruit) and if they hit (touch attack AC), their opponent must make
a balance check or fall off the table.

The crowd will give a +2 competence bonus to all balance checks to the contender they favour
each round.  The contenders can make competing Diplomacy checks for the favour of the crowd,
but if there's a clear home-town favorite, then they get a bonus determined by the DM.

If both contenders are standing at the end of five stanzas, they must run 10 loops around
the table.  See the rules for chasing in the Ptolus Player's guide.



Prerequisites

Con >= 12
Wis <  16
At least 5 ranks in Balance
At least one Feat of (Dodge, Point-Blank Shot, Run)

Note: there is no Racial requirement.  The original Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarves were tempered in
the deep dwarven kingdoms, but many other races (Gnomes, Halflings, Hill Giants among others)
maintain their own Dizzy-Dizzy-traditions.  Regardless of the race, a contender calls himself,
proudly, a Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf.



Progression

Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarves gain hit-points and skill-points as rogues.

Level     Title                   Feat
1         Dizzy-Dizzy-Neophyte    Discombobulate
2         Dizzy-Dizzy-Master      Head-Shot
3         Dizzy-Ad-Nauseum        Blessed-fruit, Unflat feet


Discombobulate

A Dizzy-Dizzy Dwarf may, once per-day per-level, make an attack with their favored weapon
(see below).  This attack must use appropriate ammo.  They must hit their opponent as per
a touch attack, and if successful, the opponent must make a balance check or be tripped.
The opponent suffers only subdual damage.


Head-Shot

A Dizzy-Dizzy Dwarf may, once-per-day per-level, make an attack with their favored weapon
using appropriate ammo.  If they make a touch attack with a -4 bonus, they have hit their
opponent in the head, and blinded them.  The opponent is blind until they take an attack
action to wipe their face.  If the opponent has a natural attack, they must attack their
own head in order to unblind themselves, suffering real damage.  Certain cantrips (at DM's
option) will also clean one's face.

   Thorog's last dance
   Thorog was a legendary Hill Giant Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf.  After one particularly
   long tournament, he boasted that he would slay the dragon, Zul, who had
   taken his uncle's sheep.
   Thorog, armed only with a giant sling, and enough Grog for a Hill Giant and
   a dragon, set off to challenge the beast.  He fought his way past its
   countless minions, most of whom were sleeping off a huge feast of lamb, and
   challenged the wyrm in its lair.
   The dragon was suprised, and then confused, by Thorog's throaty rendition of
   Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf, and stood transfixed, as he loaded one of the dragon's
   own eggs into his sling.  He then spun around and around, faster and faster,
   the dragon's eyes doing pirouettes of their own, until he launched the egg
   smack into the draconic noggin.

As per the normal blinding rules, the attack does not hinder the use of breath weapons and
other area attacks.

   Zul survived Thorog's egg-fusilade, but died after he put a claw through his
   own eye-socket trying to get egg off his face.


Blessed-fruit

The fruit shot by a Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf become magical for the purposes of hitting incorporeal
and other targets.


Unflat feet

The Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf is never caught flat-footed if they have had a drink within the last
6 hours.


Preferred Weapons

A dizzy-dizzy Dwarf's special attacks must come from an appropriate weapon with appropriate
ammunition.  A full treatment of the rules would require several large volumes, but slings
are the most common weapon, but absent a sling, a Dizzy-Dizzy-Dwarf may throw objects.
The ammunition must be appropriate to the target's size:
     Target Size      Ammunition
     < Small          Grape
     Small-Medium     Tomato
     Large            Cantaloupe
     Huge             Water melon (or any 1+HD plant)
     Collosal         State-fair size steroidal pumpkin (or any 3+HD plant)
     Gargantuan       Giganto-gourd (or any 10+HD plant)

Exotic plants, eggs, and other semi-solid materials may be substituted for the more
traditional over-ripe fruit, but the DM may impose dexterity checks for handling any
ammo with dangerous properties while drunk.


The Dizzy-Dizzy Song

The original Dizzy-Dizzy Song has been lost to mortals, but all connoisseurs agree that
it has at least 6 stanzas, can be sung and/or hummed, with or without accompaniment, sounds
better loud, can be sung over and over without getting old, and can't be done justice on a dry
throat.